what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
