it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
