i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
