this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
