He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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