My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
