a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize