I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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