she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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