I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize