I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
