I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
