the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So vagazzling was a success
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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