I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
