He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize