apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
