Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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