I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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