just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
