I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
is that a dick in a sweater?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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