Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
