You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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