If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
