i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
