I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
