C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
