my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
