Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
