five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
false alarm. still invincible.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize