Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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