So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
50% drunk capacity currently
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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