I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
