Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize