god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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