Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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