I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
