Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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