Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
