But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
