I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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