U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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