Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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