Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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