You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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