my phone needs a breathalizer
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I have post one night stand depression
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