i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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