We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I will be naked everywhere
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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