4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
