And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
