I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
