If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize