dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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