Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
