I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
