break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
