It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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