Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
