Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize