I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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