Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
