Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
