i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
