So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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