Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
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