I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize