Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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