and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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