im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
