I love having hate sex.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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