Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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