mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i came on her dog
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize