Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Please don't give away my fajitas
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