I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
