no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize