Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
