what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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