Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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