If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
