He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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