I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
