the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
