I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
