yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize