would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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