Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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