this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
