She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
