dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
