yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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