Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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