Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
