I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Randomize
