You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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