If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
