I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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