i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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