wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Randomize
