Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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