I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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