I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
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