Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
