Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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