I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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