You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
