Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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