Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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