She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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