Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
