I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
